Honestly, before stumbling upon this article on Frisky, it never even occurred to me that you could have a vagina accident. Well, apparently, there are ladies out there that use their lady parts for some rather peculiar purposes. Prepare yourselves for the most uncomfortable, painful and bizarre stories from the ER about vagina accidents. I have to say that most of these misfortunes happened due to insertion of objects where they shouldn’t be inserted, like, for example putting a potato or a chicken where the Sun doesn’t shine. I don’t know why anyone would do such a thing. Maybe they were trying to cook a dinner in a unique way, but my point is – ladies, please stop doing that! It’s nasty!
1. A Chicken In The Oven
People who work in emergency rooms bear witness to most bizarre and unusual things that most of us could never even dream of. For example, one woman was admitted to the ER complaining of abdominal pain. When doctors took a closer look they discovered an entire chicken in her vagina. She explained that she was not able to have children and was hoping the chicken would turn into a baby. Maybe she just wasn’t cooking her chicken/baby at the proper temperature. Or maybe chickens should come with a warning: not safe for vaginal insertion.
2. A Fire Between Her Legs
Next time you’re chopping hot peppers and stop to take a break to change your tampon, make sure to wash your hands really, really thoroughly lest you should get hot pepper juice on your labia. The poor woman who made that mistake had to slather her vagina in yogurt to get the burning to stop. That doesn’t sound fun.
3. The Ski Douche
Thank God I have no interest in water sports. But for those of you who do, beware the “ski douche” or “ski enema.” That is polite way of explaining what happens when a water skier falls backward into the water with such great speed and force that it causes a flood of water to rush into the vagina and cause lacerations. You don’t have to tell me twice. I’m so not going to water ski anytime soon.
4. The Garden Of Eden
Dr. Sharon Orange shared some of the most interesting ER stories. One of them involved an elderly woman complaining she had vines growing out of her “virginny.” No, it was not an exceptionally long thatch of pubic hair, it was a vine growing from the potato plant in her vagina. She put it in there to keep her sagging uterus in place.
5. D.W.S.: Driving While Shaving
A Florida woman caused a serious car crash when she decided to shave her vaj while driving. Interesting decision, yes, but that’s not even the weirdest part of the story. She was on her way to Key West where she would be vacationing with her boyfriend but her ex-husband was in the passenger seat of her Thunderbird. I demand an explanation. Now!
6. Not A Purse
There are lots of things that are inappropriate to store in your vagina. Some of them include heroin, prescription pills, and loose bills and change. Pennsylvania woman, Karin Mackaliunas, didn’t get the memo about not using your vagina as a purse.
7. Hide And Seek!
Vaginas make bad purses but even worse hiding spots. A woman checked into the ER with pelvic pain. Doctors removed a set of car keys from down there. She didn’t want her boyfriend taking the car so she hid them in a place where “he never goes.” Theirs does not sound like a good relationship.
8. Locked And Loaded
A woman made her OB-GYN sweat when an X-Ray revealed that her vagina was locked and loaded. The doctor performed emergency surgery so the woman wouldn’t shoot her uterus only to discover that it was not actually a gun. It was a cigarette lighter shaped like a gun, a companion to the crack pipe … also in her vagina. Charming!
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