Thanksgiving Day is the most inspiring holiday for comedy and telling jokes. There are so many opportunities for creating comedy and so much potential - cooking disasters, awkward family moments and many others. Therefor, here goes a set of best Thanksgiving Day jokes and the best quotes about this holiday. Enjoy!
"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."
"Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'"
"Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car."
"If you're at a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, 'Boy, these are good cigars!'"
"Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often."
"We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing."
"Ever since you're little you hear this: 'The pilgrims left England to escape religious persecution and sneak religious freedom into the new world.' But even when you're little you're like, 'Umm.. Bullsh*t?'"
"This was a really, really big year for me. I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults' table. That's 'cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate."
"I love to eat. That's why I got so fat; I love to eat. If I don't walk away from a meal hurting, I didn't do it right. If I don't walk away from Thanksgiving dinner feeling like I've been turkey-f**ked in a gingerbread prison, I didn't do it right."
"My mother won't celebrate Thanksgiving. She says it represents the white man stealing our land. But she's not angry, she figures, 'What the hell, we're taking it back one casino at a time.'"
"I have had vegan Thanksgiving of tofurkey and soy gravy. And it's not to say that Thanksgiving will ever justify the genocide of the Native Americans. But vegan Thanksgiving -- that's just spitting on the graves, isn't it?"
"People always think of Chinese food as the go-to ethnic food when everything else is closed during the holidays, but Indian is a nice alternative. Plus -- Indians? Thanksgiving? Kinda makes sense..."
