30 Ways the World Used to be Cooler

Man! The world used to be so cool, when did all this lameness hit us? I have to admit I didn’t really get all those people that are into nostalgia and collecting antique, listening to old music and watching to old black and white movies from the beginning of the last century, but now I finally get it. The world used to be way cooler than it is now. Just look at these awesome photos in the gallery bellow and you’ll see what I’m talking about. Nobody was concerned with alcohol, tobacco or snuff abuse. People weren’t smudging their kids by being overly protective, like they are today. It was the world of whiskey vending machines and ladies with shotguns and eye-patches. What went wrong? Can we at least bring the pipe smoking baby that resolves mysteries back or the bear boxing?

1. Baseball players drank and smoked in the dugout

“In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.” Douglas Adams

2. Dogs smoked pipes and presumably joined the army

3. Gorillas got drunk

And they probably pulled that out as some sort of scientific experiment.

4. A child’s first toy was a saw

Kids used to learn that life is tough and painful from their early age. No smudging was allowed.

5. Everybody did snuff

… yet no one was called an addict!

6. You could play soccer against a panda

OK, we sort of have that one covered. Today we have kung fu panda, instead of the lame soccer panda. We actually have an upgrade for this one.

7. Cheetahs made great pets

I wonder if she turned him into a long fur coat latter on.

8. Puppies hung out in pockets of soldiers

9. People rode REAL bikes

Now, this is what I call a bike! It’s not a real one if you can climb on top of it with out, at least, two people assisting you, and you don’t break any bones while falling down.

10. Everyone was using shotguns

What a friendly looking gal. It was so easy to find a conversation starter.

11. Dogs played mandolins

12. Lobsters also made great pets

… or lunches when you get bored of walking them around the block.

13. Doctors looked like serial killers

You can always tell when a man is really into his job.

14. Zebras pulled carriages

Or they painted their horses to look like zebras, either way it’s cool.

15. People actually wanted to be the “Donut Queen”

And may I add, the Donut Queens didn’t use to weight 250 lbs.

16. Little girls on rollerskates were incredibly intimidating

17. Dogs could catch a movie

18. You could turn a bear into an armchair

19. Babies smoked pipes and probably solved mysteries

20. Halloween was actually scary

21. Whiskey vending machines existed

22. You could play the piano from your bed

… or sleep in your piano, I’m not really sure how this one works.

23. Babies first learned to ride lions and latter on to walk

24. Tattoos were way more bad-ass

25. Cats used to dwell in spaghetti

26. Lions rode shotgun

27. Everyone looked cool with an eyepatch

This is a look that’s making a big comeback this fall, I can tell! It will be huge.

28. Monkeys played lounge music for puppies

29. You could settle the score against a bear in the ring

Again, one of those “… men were real men…” quotes.

30. THIS happened!

A Batman riding an elephant definitely tops it all. If you weren’t convinced till now how cool and bad-ass the past was, you have to agree on that now. Because I don’t see any of these neat things happening today. People were reckless, irresponsible, abusive… I could go on forever, but I think the most attractive thing about past, that would really make me take the time travel in consideration, is the lack of antibiotics, women rights and child protection and of course internet. Oh, and I almost forgot, the most appealing thing about the twentieth century – the break out of Nazism.
P.S. I hope you get the irony!
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